Video Logging (Vlogging)

For the past few days, I have been fascinated by a number of different YouTube vlogs. It is magnificent the way that technology is expanding day-by-day and catering to art and self-expression!

Technology is providing closer access and connection to knowledge and a person's inner being. We are able to get to know and interact with a person more and more through YouTube channels. 

There are several YouTube vloggers that I have been exploring:

1. Tess Christine: https://www.youtube.com/tesschristine

I came across Tess Christine when searching for dressing like Blair Waldorf. Tess Christine has an amazing video on getting the Blair Waldorf look for less!

I really love the help that she provides on getting such amazing clothing for reasonable fashion! I also really like her makeup tutorial on replicating Blair's "dewy, glowy skin." I really hope that I can attain such skin. 

I also like Tess's video on achieving the Blake Lively/Serena from Gossip Girl look:

Before watching this video, I did not know that people apply different colors from the eyeshadow pallet on their eyes at the same time. I think that is really neat and would like to try the exact Blake Lively makeup look that Tess guides us through at some point! I also love the name of the lipstick, Airy Fairy by Rimmel London. So I think that I will be buying it at some point. 

I also think that Tess looks like a cross between Blake Lively and Leighton Meester. I even thought it was the actress that played Blair in the Blair video. She is that professional!

I really like all of Tess's beauty routines. I will take the input from them for my own beauty regimen. 

Another video that I like on Tess Christine's channel is on how to dress like Ariana Grande: 

I can never get enough of this video! I love how Tess emulates Ariana's quirky, girly, glamorous style. I especially like the parts about adding in false eyelashes and wearing oversized sweaters as dresses and wearing shorts underneath. 

I would love to meet Tess in person and befriend her, and she coincidentally lives in New York. So that might actually be possible.

2. Maria's Makeup Xo: 

Maria is a high school teenager, but I have found that I can learn a lot from her. She is really wise beyond her years and sophisticated! If only I could have been quite as mature and wise as she was as a teenager. 

I also found Maria when searching for how to dress like Blair Waldorf: 

I love all of the makeup that Maria applies and the way that she applies it. I also love her replication of Blair's schoolwear and floral skirt in the second outfit. I really appreciate the song playing during the display of the second outfit. 

I also like Maria's "What's in My Purse" video:

I am really struck in this video by how poised, charismatic, entertaining, fun, and sophisticated Maria came across! I really like the red purse, especially the handle at the top, and wish that I could find it for myself. From this video, I learned that I should always keep a keychain and chewing gum in my purse. Maria inspired me to make my own "What's in My Purse?" video. 

I also appreciate Maria's "High School Advice" video: 

The video portrays that Maria is really very wise for a high schooler and has a good head on her shoulders. I especially appreciate her advice on taking off a mental health day, which is as important as taking off a medically unfit day. That is a progressive way of looking at life. 

Another video that I keep on watching over and over is "New Year's Pep Talk/ Tea Time":

Words cannot express how touched I am by this video! I find it amazing the way that Maria knows so much about positivity and loving yourself at such a young age! It is what I have grown up to learn. I also very much like her unique advice to always wear red lipstick. 

I also think that it is sweet that Maria connects with us by drinking tea. 

It is very wise that Maria made a video on all the little things that make her happy: 

We should always list the things that make us happy so that we can have it to back up our spirits at times. I think that it is sweet that Maria is a real hugger! I really feel like I would get along with such a loving girl. 

The last video that I will discuss is Maria's milkmaid tutorial video: 

I would love to learn how to make all sorts of braids, and it would be awesome to look like a French milkmaid!

3. Claudia Norris: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbO2mpZfAPqal4ZmQh7kqlg

Claudia Norris is an awesome young singer. I encountered Claudia when looking for "What's on My Bookshelf?" videos. 

Here is Claudia's "What's on My Bookshelf?" video: 

Claudia has amazing contemporary popular taste in fiction, which inspired me to also get in the loop with contemporary popular fiction! I particularly want to read Fairest of All: A Tale of the Wicked Queen by Serena Valentino, The Treasure Map of Boys by E. Lockhart, A Great & Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray, and Wild Things by Clay Carmichael. 

I also want to get a pink version of The Holy Bible. I found that I already have The War of Art at home so I should start to get to reading it. 

Claudia is a girl after my own heart, in only buying books in the hardcover format!

I also like Claudia's 21 questions video: 

I admire that Claudia would want to be an actress if not a singer and that she would want to play Blair Waldorf! I also like that Claudia states that we should all invest money into buying the right sized bra. I think it is sweet that Claudia has her Mom read out all the questions. It is ingenious that Claudia has a birthday cake with candles at the end. 

4. Anna in Wonderland: https://www.youtube.com/user/TheAnnainWonderland

Anna is a PhD student living in the UK. So I find it interesting to get a relatable perspective from a fellow PhD intellectual scholar. I think that is amazing that Anna is doing a dissertation on Diary of Anne Frank. I love Anne Frank and the diary form. I would also say that her YouTube channel on Diary of Anne Frank is a metadiary. 

I appreciate Anna's "What's on My Bookshelf?" videos: 

Here we have a look into the intellectual makeup of a scholar. I find it intriguing that Anne Frank had an original and uncensored edition of her diary. 

I have similar tastes to Anna in classical, imaginative, dreamy literature, such as Alice in Wonderland. 

Alice in Wonderland is obviously the roots of Anna in Wonderland's perspective. 

I appreciate that Anna has an annotated version of The Secret Garden, which I would also like to buy some day. 

Additionally, I admire Anna's video on doing a PhD in the UK:

I really appreciate the PhD career and the UK so this is perfect for my tastes! I admire very much that Anna chose to do a PhD in the UK on Anne Frank, as opposed to the US. 

5. Fleur de Force: https://www.youtube.com/user/FleurDeForce

Fleur de Force is a beauty and fashion vlogger from the UK. I really want to buy her book, The Glam Guide, which I believe is a blog-to-book. 

I appreciate Fleur's "Summer Glow" video:

I also appreciate Fleur's video on fashion from ASOS, Primark, and TopShop:

I love Fleur's hairstyle in this video. I think that it is a milkmaid braid actually.

I need to watch more of Fleur's videos in detail so that I can comment more on her. 

6. Sprinkle of Glitter: https://www.youtube.com/user/Sprinkleofglitter

Louise Pentland is actually a friend of Fleur's living in the UK. I just have to get her book, Life with a Sprinkle of Glitter from the UK!

The book actually has glitter on it, which does not come off! That's the spirit! 

I like Louise's video, "Let's Talk About Sex":

I appreciate that Louise thinks that the right first time is unique for everyone and sees advantages and disadvantages in both saving yourself and having several partners. I agree that your partner should be someone that you like/love and can connect with.

I was very touched by Louise's video on her pink hair story: 

It is sweet that Louise cares so much for her late mother and wants to tribute her with her pink hair. 

I also think it sweet that Fleur, Louise, and this other Internet identity, Zoella are such good friends, meeting through YouTube. Here is a video on their friendship:

7. Dulce Candy: https://www.youtube.com/dulcecandy

Dulce Candy is an Internet beauty and fashion celebrity. She has quite an interesting life story! I love her rise to fame. And I love her sweet name!

I appreciate Dulce's video on "Draw My Life": 

After watching this video, I learned that drawing one's life is actually pretty common for YouTube vloggers. I think it is pretty neat the way it is outside-the-box. 

I also like the video on Dulce's makeup collection: 

I think that it is AWESOME that Dulce has a room full of makeup. I did not even know that people used drawers to store makeup before watching this video. I would one day like to have as much makeup as Dulce. 

8. Michelle Phan: https://www.youtube.com/michellephan

Michelle Phan is a big Internet celeb, but I have just watched some of her videos so far. 

I like Michelle's video on "Romantic Blush": 

I love the idea of making yourself up in the romantic mood. It is sweet the way that she starts out her video, "Want to show that your eyes are in love?" Eyes are the window to the soul after all. 

9. Bethany Mota: https://www.youtube.com/bethanymota

Bethany is a very young Internet beauty and fashion celebrity that makes a lucrative income through vlogging. When I looked at her channel, I could definitely see why she is so popular. 

I love this video on Bethany's Japan trip: 

It is really very impressive that Bethany was so successful that she was granted a trip to Japan!

I also love The Carrie Diaries fashion video: 

I love young Carrie Bradshaw's style, especially her personalized purse. 

After watching all these vlogs, I have been inspired to start vlogging as a profession myself. I think that vlogging is a great way to open yourself up and communicate with the world. I will be starting a YouTube channel on beauty, fashion, lifestyle, and books. I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!

New Fashion Blog Entry

For the past two days, I have been window shopping for clothes. So I thought that I would write another blog entry on fashion. 

Most recently, I have been awed by Adrianna Tate-Duncan's style from 90210! It is her style that has inspired me to write this blog entry. I love her classy, girly, glamorous, Old Hollywood style! One website stated that Adrianna has the most girly style in 90210! 

Here are some samples of Adrianna's outfits:

I love Adrianna's choice of frills, ruffles, and silhouettes and feminine colors such as pink and purple in those photos!!! Her style reflects that she is an old-fashioned, classic romantic at heart!

I love how at every moment, Adrianna looks so put-together and classy, and her hair is always styled! If only I could also be like that!

I just Adrianna with bang & short hair! Her hair looks so glossy and silky here:

I also love how Adrianna's curls and bangs look here:

Adrianna's also is so beautiful, with a face of universal features! Her outfits flow completely with her! She is the most beautiful girl on 90210!

The beautiful Jessica Lowndes herself said that she shares Adrianna's classic style, that her fashion idols are the classic Audrey Hepburn and Elizabeth Taylor. 

My friend directed me to Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl as a character to study. I particularly first heard of Blair's style when hearing Charlotte York from Sex & the City referred to as the older sister of Gossip Girl's Blair Waldorf. So I looked into Blair's style.It looks like Blair's style is very preppy and girly, made to present a sweet, innocent appearance. 

I saw that a WikiHow article on how to dress like Blair Waldorf was very similar to the one on Charlotte: all about the bows, ruffles, frills, silhouettes, and headbands! I especially have loved bows and ruffles ever since I was a little girl!

Naomi particularly said in one episode of 90210 that Adrianna is the Charlotte of the clique! I definitely see that, as Adrianna is the one that is most romantic and the most old-fashioned at heart! I could digress on her sweet, old-fashioned romance with Navid. Sigh!

Adrianna, Blair, and Charlotte all take after the classy style of Audrey Hepburn whom I have covered before. 

It was also written in the Wikipedia article on Blair that she took after the style of Marilyn Monroe along with Audrey Hepburn. 

I also really like the trendy style, in addition to the classy/preppy style. I sometimes have trouble distinguishing between preppy and trendy. I believe that preppy is classy, the old-fashioned classics, while trendy is young and what is in fashion at the moment. I really like the preppy brands, Anthropologie and BCBG and the trendy brands, Candie's and Dollhouse! I even like the sound of each of them. 

I also really like how Carrie Bradshaw originated wearing a tutu with a top. I think that the point of that was to honor that Sarah Jessica Parker was a ballerina!

I would also like to wear a fancy top with a tutu, to advertise that I study ballet. I also love the romance of it!

As I wrote before, I also like the ebullient, eccentric circus style. I finally found Carrie's boardwalk print skirt with a Ferris Wheel that she worn on The Carrie Diaries and ordered it! I am so excited!

I also ordered a dress, which combines my two favorite styles: a Fairy Tale Carousel Dress!

I have also ordered a brand new pin-up ice cream dress.

Introversion Vs. Extraversion

Throughout my childhood, I was painfully shy, and it has impacted my life. So I thought that I would dedicate a blog entry to this topic. I am soft and shy on the outside and emotional and passionate on the inside. Since I was naturally shy from the beginning, I now embrace my shy side and want to always maintain it. 

I have been the same throughout my life, very shy until you get to know me. My classmates always thought of me as shy and the girl that never talked, but my family thought of me as active and feisty. I remember my brother laughing when I said that I am quiet. I go from Little Miss Shy to Little Miss Chatterbox in my interactions. Once you get to know me, I will not shut up! That is because I am an expressive person by nature. I do not repress my feelings and thoughts.

In my childhood, I had a very hard time making friends being so painfully shy. I can count the number of friends I had in school on one hand. So it was very hard for me in school. I missed out on a lot of fun, like birthday parties, get-togethers, and proms. I kind of regret that in a sense. However, in the end, everything worked out the way it should. 

In my adulthood, I have been good at making friends with just the people that I like. With these friends, I have been very expressive and chatty. I do not think that they could see me as being shy. Corresponding to the introvert, I prefer to keep a select group of close friends--that I am chatty and expressive with. 

I have learned that being shy and outgoing are different from being introverted and extroverted. Introversion consists of being focused on one's own mental or inner life and preferring solitary activities or activities with a small, select group of individuals. Extroversion consists of looking for harmony outside one's self. Extroverts enjoy being around people and in social situations. Ambiversion is the intermediary between extroversion and introversion. Shyness concerns being self-conscious, with a result in mind. As a perfectionist, I am very focused on the result and thus shy. People tell me that I am very self-conscious interacting with people--that is with people other than my friends. 
I have qualities of both introversion and extroversion in my horoscope chart. My chart says that I am very sensitive, but very public with my sensitivity and that my feelings can never truly be concealed. I have an interesting mix of sun in Leo, signaling extroversion and expression and moon in Cancer, signaling introversion and sensitivity.
It is interesting to evaluate that shy people are often gifted with creativity. I think that is because they are often sensitive or suppress their feelings in real life, but express those feelings in art. Shy people often make good writers as well as actors. I have always been drawn to both fields. As you can see through this blog, I enjoy writing and blogging. It has been said that introverted people make good bloggers. People also tell me that I am more comfortable on stage than in daily interactions. 
I also have a side of me that likes to be the center of attention and wants to be the star, as my friend, Carly rightfully says. I am working to express that in my acting persona. 
I also have a desire for soulful intimate bonding with select individuals. It was very interesting the way that a friend of mine told me that he found that it is usually introverted people that frequently think of soulmates.
I would like to end by stating that I would like to embrace all my shyness, introversion, expressiveness, and need to be the center of attention for the sake of my real life and artistic persona. 

Lulu

I had written about Lulu in my earlier blog entry about friendship. Lulu is the alias that I gave one friend that I used to have, that was my strongest friendship up till then. 
When I met Lulu, we nearly instantly became best friends. She really admired everything about me, and I also really liked everything about her. I really understood what friendship was about when I met her. I had a giving nature for her and wanted the best for her, which I had never had with a friend before. 
Lulu and I had so much in common. We both loved English Literature, creative writing, acting, dancing, and all other forms of art. We were both soft and shy on the outside and emotional and passionate on the inside. We both had pasts that were tainted by being bullied by lousy people. We were both classic romantics at heart. We both were great animal lovers. We took solace in animals, being introverted with human beings. 
Since Lulu admired me so much, it really brought up my self esteem. My Mom said that we cannot thank Lulu enough for bringing up my self esteem. 
I was so flattered that Lulu liked me so much. She was my platonic soulmate. I would tell her that I hoped that my future husband would be as enamored by my every move as she. 
I truly loved Lulu more than I had ever loved anyone in my whole life. She was my primary passion in my life. I felt like I was born to be her friend.
I was always at ease when talking to Lulu. I was more comfortable with her than I have been with anyone else. I came to her in moments of catharsis, trusting her with things I would never trust anyone else with. 
The first year that we were friends, we were in constant communication. However, after that, she was not in as much communication with me or as available. I thought it was because she was busy, but that she held onto me as a priority and still cared for me. She said that everyone got mad at her for not being available and thought I would be, too. 
Six years into our friendship, we got into an argument over something, and she did something to me that was unmerited and I thought out of line. I felt like our relationship was scarred after that. I brought it up a year later, and we got into another heated argument. She revealed to me then that she only truly cared for her parents and her pets, that she did not need anyone. She said that she thought I wanted someone that was always available for me and that I merit that, but she did not think it was in her nature or comfort zone to be like that with anyone. I felt really bad then because I truly cared for her more than I have ever cared for anyone in my life. I felt like I was naïve and a fool to have trusted that she also cared for me. I also felt like a fool to not have seen through the signals that she was not available that she did not truly care for me. She also revealed then that there were unpalatable moments in our friendship, which made me wonder whether she ever really cared for me at all. I really do not like that friendship is taken for granted, and only family and lovers are valued. 
Then later we had a falling-out a month later. I realized then that she had been judging me for saying things that I trusted her with in my vulnerable moments of catharsis. I felt really foolish to have trusted her with all that. 
A friend that I had earlier in my life told me that I was too trusting and that I should not trust anyone in the world. She said that everyone is fake, except for family. I did not agree with her. However, after my experience with Lulu where she let me down, I really feel like I do not know whether I can trust anyone again.
I thought that it was good that I could give myself completely to someone, like I did with Lulu, that I could love and trust so much. I loved and trusted her without a second thought. However, now I am cautious whenever I make friends and do not know whether I should give myself to them completely or trust or love them completely (not knowing whether it can be reciprocated or will amount to anything). 
Lulu was right that I wanted a friendship, which was a priority, where both friends are always available for the other. I really would like for my friend to always be available for me to talk to and prompt in responding to phone calls and e-mails. 
I have not heard from Lulu since our falling-out over two years ago. I have e-mailed her a few times trying to patch up, but I have not heard from her since. I just e-mailed her yesterday after a very long time. It makes me sad to wonder whether I will ever hear from her again.
A part of me has moved on and made new friends since then. However, another part of me misses Lulu and feels left hanging. I really hope that someday Lulu can realize and value that I truly cared for her and loved her. 

Bullying

So far I have just written about topics that are agreeable to me as I want to maintain beauty and positivity on this blog. However, something reminded me of this heated, unpalatable topic some days ago so I decided that I would blog about it for the purpose of catharsis and educating the public about the parasites that are bullies. 
Throughout my childhood, I was bullied for no reason. Being very sensitive and not naturally self-confident, it had always impacted my life and hindered me from happiness and peace. Now that I have grown up, I have somewhat realized that other people do not have the power to hold me from my happiness and that I should just block them out and focus on the positive. However, I do have some moments of response to these past memories.
In elementary school, I was the target of several bullies, both male and female who went out of their way to try to make my life miserable. There was one delinquent boy whom everyone hated and avoided like the plague. It was really our misfortune that he was in our class, and we had to bear the brunt of his delinquency. I really wish that he had been kicked out of the school and put into a school for problem boys so that he would be helped and, more importantly, not be such a menace to our classroom and disruption to our peace. If I was a parent of one of the students, I would have ensured that he would have been taken out of the school and not rested until the authorities took the measures. As one rotten apple, he sure spoiled the whole batch! He and others under his gang made my life miserable to the extent that I switched schools for middle school. My friend later told me that she had come to know this delinquent at some point and that he had parents that were drug dealers. I know that since he was brought up to be screwed up and twisted and still a child and not able to judge for himself the right behavior to implement, his upbringing would be held accountable for his actions. However, since his behavior really impacted me, I still condemn his behavior and think that he should have been removed from a school for normal children of healthy upbringings for his own good and for the good of the children. He did not belong in such an environment with people at such impressionable, tender ages.
In middle school during sixth grade, I had to bear the brunt of being loyal and not taking the lead for bullying. I was first accepted into the inner circle. However, this girl who turned out to be a bully and the leader of the class told me to ditch these two outcast girls. I was unwavering in my decision to stand by them. What did I get in return? Bullying for the whole year! I was shocked when the two outcast girls joined in with the rest of them to bully me! They were actually accepted into the group once they joined in to bully me. I really cannot stand the injustice in the world. However, I have come to realize that none of those girls were worth it to be friends with for what they did to me and I was saved from a burden of falseness, disloyalty, and superficiality if I had been their friend.
In boarding school in eighth grade, once again I was bullied by this gang of good-for-nothing boys who had no lives and did poorly in school. This boy, who was the leader, was a failure in academic performance, ended up doing something very shameful and vulgar, and everyone laughed at him so he really was in no position to make fun of me. He would stalk me every day by staring at me, laughing, and passing comments. He really had no business making fun of me since I did him no wrong! I saw him pay for his behavior later when his matron found out about all he did to me and beat him up in front of me and he was crying. I have to admit that at that moment, I felt sorry for him since the matron was brutal.
Then there were these other two delinquent boys in this school that I went to that were the parasites of our class. They were always there to pass rude, immature, crass comments to everyone, try to start fights with everyone, and instigate fights between people. They thought that they were popular, but everyone actually hated them for being like that, as several people voiced out loud. They were the most hated people in our class! They blamed their behavior on a supposedly tough life at home. However, that was no excuse for them since they had reached an age where they could understand the difference between right and wrong. And it is really irrational and immature to take out what someone has done to you on someone else! There was one time when one of them was being interviewed for something and when he saw that the interviewer was a girl that he made fun of, he was afraid that would be held against him. His interview actually ended up being successful. I really, really, really wish that that girl had held his behavior towards her against him and he had gotten rejected so that he had been punished for what he did and he had learned that there were consequences to his actions, instead of just thinking that it was right to keep on being a menace to society! It was so creepy the way that one of the guys stalked me by drawing a picture of me, the way that a three year-old would, and showing it to others. And the other guy stalked me by looking up my name on the Internet. TALK ABOUT STALKING!!!
It had been very hard for me to deal with bullying throughout school. If I tried to ignore the bullies, people would accuse me of being a doormat, which I hate. If I tried to defend myself, people would accuse me of being mean. I really think that people should work on ridding the world of the bullies, just as they do with all parasites. I think that everyone should stand up against those parasites and put them in their places in whatever way they can. If they just let the bullies slide thinking that they will eventually learn their lesson from someone, but that person should and would not be them, then imagine what the world would be like if the whole world thought that way. The bullies would never be punished for their actions and keep on bullying and possibly move on to victims that are helpless and have no means to defend themselves. So it is best to speak your mind against bullies for the good of the bullies, their potential future victims, and last but not least, you! 
It is very sad that there are bullying victims that have committed suicide. Children are very sensitive and impressionable and cannot understand that suicide is not the correct solution to bullying. I never even once contemplated suicide over bullying. Even though bullying was unpalatable to me, I was never devastated since I never cared for the bullies. It is only when someone I cared about hurt me that I would be devastated. 
I really think that bullies should all get therapy since they either have their own problems, which they are taking out on innocent people or they lack empathy--the beginning of sociopaths. 
I am really very glad that bullying is now officially declared a crime and is being enforced even in the most primary classes. I really wish that it was a crime when I was in school and that the people that bullied me went to jail. I think that I will do some volunteer work to help with bullying problems, as a former bullying victim. 

Fashion Models

It has been a wild dream of mine to be a fashion model. I am trying to figure out why I want to be a fashion model. I think that what I am attracted to is the glamour.
I really admire supermodels such as Claudia Schiffer, Rebecca Romijn, and Tyra Banks. Not only are they beautiful and glamorous, but they are very classy (especially Tyra Banks). They are all very tall and able to maintain very slender figures. So they always look very good in all of their modelling shoots and photos. Their bikini photos are flawless! My Mom also told me that models are always well-turned out, that if I want to be a model, I should always keep my nails manicured.

 

Fashion models quite often have hourglass or willowy figures. I can spend hours glancing at photos of the celebrities' different figures and never get bored! I love both the hourglass and the willowy figure and aspire to have both, if that is at all possible. Maybe I can be a willowy hourglass. When I was at my thinnest, I had a willowy figure. I notice that I have curves, which is a good start for the hourglass figure.
It is extremely hard to make it in the modelling business. To be a runway model, you have to be 5'8-5'11, and extremely slender, with the appropriate measurements. I think that the modelling industry has irrational standards in asking for the model to be excessively tall and underweight. The word, "model" is defined as an example to set for others. So the industry should set standards that are healthy and within reach. In my opinion, the model should be from average to tall height, which is the ideal height for a girl, instead of excessively tall. In many cases, when the girl is too tall, it takes away from her attractiveness. Also, the model should be the ideal weight for his/her height, instead of underweight. Being underweight and unhealthy is a very bad example to set. It is an even worse example to set when the model suffers from an eating disorder. I also think that people who have had plastic surgery should not be models. For, then they are sending the world the message that you have to combat nature, instead of accepting yourself the way that you naturally are. I think that they would be better off just trying their hand at modelling without plastic surgery.
I think that the criterion for models should be normal, happy, healthy, down-to-earth beings, rather than those that are excessively tall and unhealthily thin and have undergone plastic surgery to get to where they are now.
I am trying to figure out what it is that attracts me to pursue a modelling career. I think that I wanted to be a model before since I thought that it would prove that I am the ultimate beauty. Now I see that one does not have to be a model to prove that. I had earlier put modelling on my list of careers that I would aspire for. Now I am wondering whether I was just attracted to being a model since it is extremely hard to make it in the business, another of my epiphanies from my last post. I had posted a Yahoo! question about whether I should pursue modelling as a career, in addition to other careers. I had received the answer, "If you are not scouted as a model by the time that you are 15, chances are you will not make it." In a way, I was relieved after reading the answer since it kind of took a burden off my chest. I know that I am not interested in modelling as much as I am in writing, or my other passions and dreams. So I do not know whether it would be worth it for me to put in so much energy for something that I do not have that strong a desire for.
A few months ago, I had the goal to pursue modelling after two years of attaining my ideal figure. I have gained a lot of weight in the past two years and wanted to reduce to 105 lbs in the next two years. Now I have freed myself of the burden of putting in so much energy for modelling. I would definitely like to lose weight and tone my body for my own sake, but not for the sake of modelling. I think that I will discard 105 lb's as my target weight. I aim to reach a healthy, slender weight and have a willowy hourglass figure. Maybe I will still model for fun when my other priorities are taken care of.; when I have reached my goals in beauty, personality, and character. But I really do not want to stress over it in any way.
I really like the philosophy of ModCloth that it celebrates true individuals in its own models (just what I outlined above), and it would be my dream to model for a store that offers such beautiful, classic clothing, that I love! The criterion for a ModCloth model is the best. It is that the model should be:

*    Friendly, approachable, and enthusiastic

*    Naturally fit in frame and figure

*    Instinctively style savvy and creatively cute

*    Energetic and easygoing

*    Confident and comfortable in front of a camera

*    A fan of ModCloth's aesthetic

The ModCloth motto implements beauty in personality and soul, not in outward appearance. I love the ModCloth interviews with the Models of the Month. Pinup Girl Clothing, another online store that I love, also has an outside-the-box approach and accepts models of all shapes and sizes.

 

I am still trying to figure out whether I should be a model. I do know that if I become a model, it will be to supplement my other careers. I really hope that I will also become a model in character and appearance, in addition to being a fashion model, if I ever get any modelling opportunity.

My New Path

Throughout my life, I have aimed for the absolute highest in everything, no matter the possibility of my reaching the top. I have a long list of goals and dreams. I have developed the motto, "Anything is possible! Nothing is impossible!" That is a good motto--if it is used in the right way.
One would think that through this motto, I have been able to achieve a lot of success in everything that I pursued. Actually, unfortunately, instead of achieving success when I have pursued the ultimate, I have just found disappointment when I have not gotten what I wanted. I believe it is because although I hold a lot of key ingredients to success, there also some critical ingredients lacking in me. I also believe that I should modify my philosophy.
I have the ingredients of ambition, inspiration, intelligence, and determination. As you can see, I am very ambitious in aiming for the absolute highest. I am also inspired that it is possible to reach the highest. I have the intelligence to determine the correct path to reach my goals. And I am determined in never giving up no matter what results I receive.
However, I lack motivation, confidence, hard work (being naturally lazy), and maybe also interest. I wonder whether I am really interested in the field that I am pursuing or just in reaching the top in it. My teachers and professors have given me the feedback that I am more interested in grades than in learning. Additionally, even though I aim for the highest and am inspired that it is possible, I do not have the motivation to put in the effort. I have realized that it is possibly because deep down, I am not confident that the goal is possible. I really need to work on my confidence. I have already made a lot of improvement in the years.
So from now onwards, I hope to just follow my interest for the field and let everything else fall into place. I hope from following my interest, I will be able to strengthen my motivation and confidence. When I follow my interest, it will not seem like hard work, but fun.
I have also decided to adjust my goals. I would like to tone down my need to achieve the highest in everything and let go of my attachment for the highest. I would like to focus on my interests and take everything step-by-step, instead of being attached to achieving the highest. I would also like to maintain a sense of practicality and reality so that I am aware of the optimal approach to making my dreams a reality.
I will now look at what I have been trained in and am good at and make it a priority to follow that professionally, while continuing my other interests on the side. Hopefully, with that, everything will fall into place. Who knows? I may even be able to excel in those fields along the way.
I have decided to make use of my graduate degree in English Literature, as that is what I have been trained in. I will try to attain whatever job I will get from it.
Ever since I got my master's degree in English, my very kind and generous parents supported me for all of my dreams, many of which have varied across the years. I have had jobs on and off. Even when I have not had a job, my parents have supported me completely, including financially. They may not have agreed with all that I have wanted to pursue, but being kind parents, they have continued to support me. They are really the kindest and most generous parents in the world! However, I think that it is time that I stood on my own feet and started acting more grown-up and independent. Maybe once I start to take responsibility for myself in getting a job, I will feel a sense of self-worth and independence, which will motivate me to achieve my other dreams.
I have considered a great deal of career options and even posted on Facebook for advice on which career path to follow. With a graduate degree in English Literature, there is a lot of scope for me. I had pursued graduate studies in English Literature thinking that I would pursue a job in academia. However, jobs in academia are really hard to come by so I need myself open to many options. It would still be my ultimate goal to get a professorship in English Literature. That is a good fit for me, as I love analyzing the complexities of literature. The other jobs that I am considering are editing or production in the publishing industry, copywriting in the business, fashion, or health industry, public relations, and web design. I would love to work in the publishing industry as I love books and am a fanatic about the different editions of books. I always want to purchase a book in just the right edition. I love for books to be hardcover, glossy, and illustrated. I also really appreciate it when the books are annotated, with a good introduction and critical essays. My appreciation for the design of books makes me suitable for a job in production. My degree in English and editing and writing skills makes me suitable for a job in editing. My friend, Cynthia told me that publishing is just the job that she sees me in. I am also considering a job as a copywriter. I believe that I have the writing skills for a copywriting job although I need to season my experience. I started considering a job in public relations after a job interviewer told me that there is a lot of writing in the public relations field. I am also good at publicity. Additionally, after I enjoyed designing my Myspace profile, my Mom told me that I should consider a job in web design.
Since I was little, one of my dreams has been to be a writer. My Mom told me that she found a poster of mine from first grade, which said that when I grow up, I want to be a writer. I did not know that I was that young when I developed that goal! Ever since I can remember, my goal has been to write classical literature in the forms of poetry, prose, and drama. I was very flattered when my uncle, Vikraman Velliachan told me that I am best suited for a career in writing classical literature. I love how my beloved friend, Kait told me after reading my blog that I should become a writer! My friend, Cynthia also said that she could see me writing Young Adult fiction. I just found out yesterday while researching Young Adult fiction on Wikipedia that there is a new genre called New Adult fiction, aimed at an audience of readers from the age of 18-30.
I also have other dreams, which are secret so I cannot list them here. I repeat, my new philosophy is to follow my heart and let everything fall into place, instead of just chasing the highest. My resolution is to live life replete with commitment and devoid of attachment.