I have been contemplating and experimenting with my love life in the past two years. All-in-All: I am grateful for my attained experiential wisdom.
A year ago, I met this seeming promising guy, whom I will call, "Mauricio," through Match. After already initiating texting with him, I looked at his profile again to find that he had entered that he does not want children. So I asked him about that detail, and he replied that it so turns out that if he does meet the right woman, he would marry her and then have children if he finds it right. We met in person twice, and texted regularly. I started to grow attached, being that dating was new to me. After two months, during a conversation where my statement came across as too childlike, he told me that I am too childlike and innocent for him, though mature and wise, and that he does not see us in a relationship. He said that my trait of pouting-lips might be cute, but does not appeal to him.
The end hit me like a storm only because the feeling of heartbreak was rusty to me, not having felt it in ten years. So I took my sweet time to overcome it; a few months. I did realize then that Mauricio and I have diametrically-opposed philosophies to love; so it was all for the best. I am always a True-Romantic at heart: very optimistic and yearning for the happily-ever-after of marriage and children. Mauricio, on the other hand, is really very cynical about love and relationships; due to his family upbringing and own past relationships. While I have a Poetically Magical Philosophy on Love, Mauricio has a scientific approach; as he knew the technical scientific terms for various stages of attraction.
While dating Mauricio, itself, there existed the red-flag that he believed that every relationship has a beginning, a middle, and an end. As you can imagine, I have always believed in marriage as the endpoint with a romance.
I finally overcame Mauricio when endeavoring to pursue this guy, whom I used to know, whom I will call, "Jack." I was overjoyed when he told me that Jack especially remembered me since he had wanted to make a move on me back then. I thought it was all going in the right direction. While I am still an inexperienced Virgin, I now would accept a guy, who is rather experienced; which Jack is. In fact, I told Jack that I would even prefer an experienced guy over a less experienced guy since that guy is well-aware of how to love me! Jack told me that, however, an experienced guy would wish for activity that I am not quite so comfortable with.
Jack also said that since he and I are worlds apart in our experience, those differences would come out on additional levels if we were to commit to a relationship.
However, I realized ultimately that Jack is at quite the sticky place with a past-love, and so it is best to steer-clear of him.
My most recent Romantic-Prospect, whom I went on three dates with over the course of a few months, is one whom I will allocate the pseudonym, "Roland." Roland & I are so different in Inner & Outer-Lives: Philosophy, Nature, Romantic & Sexual-Experience, Interests, etc., etc.! I am an Artistic-Soul and work with English Literature & Dramatics. Roland, on-the-other-hand, is an Engineer. While I am the Software in Life, Roland is the Hardware!
The Phantom of my First-Love remains in my life, much-like Erik, the Phantom, in Phantom of the Opera. In fact, I should write an Opera on my First-Love!
I philosophize that: Love makes the world go-round! Round-and-round like a horse-on-a-carousel!
Hence, I love the merry-go-round metaphor! I need to ride the carousel again soon to obtain that original feeling of being spun-around.
"Loving you is like a fairy-tale!" Oh, but love is always a fairy-tale!
*Out of my dreams; and into a dream with you!* That is just what I wish of my lover! To share a sleeping-dream with me! On, the psychoanalytics of it!
Now that I think of it: It is very telling that there is a circus and carousel in "Saga of Jenny" in the Cinematic-version of Lady in the Dark; a lucid-dream-sequence! I would love to research the psychoanalytics of a carousel! The "merry-go-round"!
I have also come to realize that love can also be a trampoline; if you select to forever be a blind fool in love.
I, instead, select the magic merry-go-round of LOVE and ROMANCE! The creatures on my merry-go-round are my lovers, my fictional love-interests, Romeo and Juliet, Robin Goodfellow, Titania, the characters in Love's Labour's Lost, the metafictional characters, Alice, the Mad-Hatter, Cinderella, Prince-Charming, Belle, the Beast, etc., etc., etc.!
Henceforth: I know that: Once I decipher the *MELODY* & *HARMONY* of LOVE; I will attain that Happy-Ending I have always dreamed-of! I could do so by composing a Song on Love!
In the End: I will always be that School-Girl, who is for gushy *ROMANCE*! And the right Lad for Me will embrace that!
4 comments:
How is your love life going now? You should write more, you are a good writer and enjoy reading ur blog. Maybe a new blog entry soon?
Bonjour! I am new to your blog, I feel you are a gifted writer! I wanted to suggest perhaps a possible topic of your next blog entry. As someone who had never been in a relationship, what are your thoughts on fictional romances (in books and films/TV; etc) in comparison to real life relationships? I would be curious to know your thoughts, as you have a unique perspective of looking at the situation, having not had a relationship of your own. In any case, I look forward to reading your next entry!
Thank you, Michael & Jeanette, for your touching compliments. You have both inspired me towards my next Blog-Entry. As-it-plays-out, Jeanette, I actually wrote a Blog-Post, entitled, "Metafictional Romance" on October 17, 2017, where I reflect on the reverse of what you recommend: The role that Fictional-Romance plays in Real-Life-Romance. Now that you say it, I will write my next Blog-Post on the comparison of Fictional-Romance with the Real-Life-Relationship.
Thank you so very much again! I will keep writing!
Thank you, Jeanette, I posted a Blog-Entry on Fiction’s Portrayal of Romance a month ago. 😀
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