Tribute to My Uncle, Kanamaan

For the past week, I have been coping with my uncle's fate. Kanamaan suffered a stroke on April 19th, was hospitalized in the ICU for several days, and finally passed away on Tuesday, May 2nd at 2:30 Indian Standard Time. I am right now in the emotional grieving stage, but hope to eventually look upon the situation compassionately, logically, and rationally.
When I first heard the news that Kanamaan had a stroke and was in critical condition, I was shocked. Tears would not come out, and my sorrow was bottled up. However, five days ago, tears finally came out, and I spent the day crying. It has been two days since Kanamaan has passed away, and I am still shedding tears, but hopefully will move on eventually. As I am writing this blog entry, tears are flowing out of my eyes.
Kanamaan was my father's younger brother. He was a very tender, loving, and optimistic person. My father was relating stories to me of how he saved Kanamaan's life a few times when he was a small child. My father at times still sees Kanamaan as the small child he started off seeing him as. The first time, Kanamaan fell into the river by my family's house, and my father jumped in and saved him. The second time, a cow was chasing Kanamaan and about to attack him when my father picked him up and took him away.
Kanamaan was very loving towards his family, friends, and associates, and very lovable and popular as well. He was one person that was actually demonstrative and uninhibited in love. I remember spending time with him in 2000 when we went to India for my cousin's wedding. Kanamaan made sure to spend time with me and said, "If no one is there for Pappikutty, I am there" or something along those lines. He always sees me as the baby that he first saw me as. I felt bad that I was never as demonstrative in my love towards him, but hope that he is reading this blog entry now to know how much I love him.
Kanamaan was also very optimistic. At some point in his life, he had to spend his life in Dubai away from his family in India. My mother was remarking to him how sad it was that he could not be in India for another year. However, Kanamaan remarked, "I do not see it that way. It is right now just twelve months since I can go to India and see everyone. In three months, it will be nine months. Then in six months, it will be six months. In another three months, it will be just three months. Then in another three months, I am there!"
Kanamaan was also so very loving that he would not stand any tragedy happening to any other family member. So I would like to comfort myself and others by adopting the belief that since Kanamaan would be completely shattered by another family member's death, God arranged for the order that his death be one of the first in the family. God has faith that his loved ones would have the strength to deal with Kanamaan's passing.
I have come to learn a lot through this past week. As I have been in the world for a number of years, I have had several tragedies and deaths occur. There have been deaths of other people that people would have expected me to care for, but I was not sad by those deaths since I did not on the whole care for those people. However, I have cried over and grieved certain other tragedies and deaths, such as Kanamaan's. I have found that my grievance brings to surface that all in all, I really love and care for those people involved in those tragedies or deaths. So I would really from now onwards, like to let the people that I love know that I love them while I have the opportunity. I have come to realize that despite the differences we may have between each other, I do still love those people from the bottom of the heart. So I would like to let go of my ego and patch up with fall-outs that I have had. Kanamaan may have had differences, as did everyone, but he never held any grudges and always tried to patch up. I have also epiphanized that it is more essential to treat the people well while they are still in your association than grieving them when they have passed. Life is too short to hold onto grudges.
I would like to look on Kanamaan's fate through the lens of the philosophy of the Srimad Bhagavatam. Kanamaan has advanced from a material to a spiritual existence in the universe. Kanamaan was really such a loving and giving individual that he had reached the stage early on where it was time for him to advance to this dimension of existence. Kanamaan may not be physically present in the earth, but he will eternally be spiritually present. He will be an angel watching over his loved ones and protecting them and guiding them to their ideals. The world is not a lesser place, but rather a purified place with Kanamaan's spiritual existence taking over.